Healing Relationships

Ending the Battle Within

There is a deep human need to relate to one another and to create a communication link with other humans. We love to feel welcome and to be cared about for who we are.

There is a longing for caring relationships with our parents, siblings, extended family, neighbors, classmates, and business associates. Most of us crave a loving, intimate relationship with a person who meets our needs physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Why are relationships so difficult?

Why do we fight with each other, build walls, and tum our backs on relating to those whom we once loved?

It is my premise that relationships are full of confusion because we are so confused within ourselves. We have not taken the time to find out who we are and what we truly want in our lives. We have lost respect for ourselves, and thus, we do not respect others. We have quit loving ourselves unconditionally if ever we did; and therefore, cannot possibly love others without conditions.

We need to understand that every relationship is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves…to our many selves. Each of us is a composite of persons:  various personas. We are many facets of a crystallized being showing up in the Now.

There is no Other but ourselves.

There is only you and I appearing as many different people outside of ourselves. We have brought external characters into our lives to help us know who we are and who we prefer not to be. The many selves within us hold beliefs. That is their job. These personas are the “Keepers of Our Beliefs”.

What is a belief?

A belief is a group of words put together to create a statement from what we perceive to be reality. That statement is then considered to be a truth by the one holding the belief. We hold a huge variety of beliefs from parenting to politics, from health to old age, from good to bad and love to hate.

Beliefs are the seeds for thoughts.

Our thoughts form the prism through which we perceive reality. Our thoughts affect our emotions and thus dictate how we react to events in the past and present. These thoughts and emotions determine what plans we make for our imagined future.

Belief statements can be simple, such as: ”This flower is beautiful.” “That weed is ugly.” ”That skunk smells terrible.” ”I feel old.” “That person is immature.” “I love this music.” “I hate that sound.” ”I am in love.” “Love is gone.” “Time passes too quickly.” “Time stands still when we do what we love.”

Beliefs can be complex, such as ”Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, E=MC².” Or concepts such as, “’Parallel universes may exist in other Dimensions.” These statements are called scientific theories, and with enough proof they may become beliefs.

Thousands and thousands of beliefs within us

Thousands and thousands of beliefs are held in the repository of our brains. Many are opposing beliefs.

There are very few beliefs, which are actually Truth, for the statements we hold are almost always subjective, changing, and relate to our opinions or judgments.

We have collected beliefs from our culture, through our education, entertainment, and family traditions. We are a composite of many selves, holding a huge variety of beliefs, which help to create our lives. And our beliefs create our relationships.

The people around you are parts of yourself

Every person in your life is a part of you showing up outside of you to present information that you may or may not want to know.

Take a moment to imagine that there is a huge circus within you.

Each participant is appearing in your life to show you a part of yourself. This circus with all its characters is called Life.

You are enjoying the show when one of the clowns comes up to you and tells you that you need to play more, get silly, and act out your inner joy. You smile and agree. An accountant comes up to you and says you need to get serious and pay attention to the money you are making and spending. You shake your head at this idea.

An acrobat comes up to you and says that you need more exercise. They tell you to take a run around the circus tent and swing high above the crowd. A horseback rider tells you that you are moving too slow, and the bandleader says you are moving too fast. You are trying to be Ring Master, but you feel as if the circus is running you, rather than you being master of the events around you.

People outside of you are showing you what you believe!

These characters are telling you what you think about yourself. They are echoing the words that you are hearing inside your head – the thoughts you are thinking. Welcome words might be, “You look great! You haven’t changed a bit!” Words you don’t want to hear might be, “What happened? You look exhausted…worn out!” The people outside of you are presenting the words that fit your beliefs about you and your life.

How do you change this interaction? How do you change what they are saying and doing to you? You change your outer world by changing your inner world. You change the beliefs that you hold.

What do you believe? Look at your life. The actions, interactions, and scenes of your life are a biofeedback system for you to see what you believe.

This is how manifestation works:

Beliefs create thoughts.

…Thoughts activate emotions.

…….Emotions spark decisions and actions.

………Actions create events and interactions with people.

What do you believe?

Life is a bio-feedback system. Turn the process around.

Observe people, events, activities, and environment of your life.

…….What actions (and decisions) brought these people, events, and your environment to you?

………Which emotions and feelings sparked your actions?

…………What thoughts activated your emotions?

……………What is the underlying belief that created those thoughts?

That is what you believe. If that believe serves you well, keep it. If not, change it!

Every relationship and event is an out-picturing of your inner thoughts and beliefs. People help you to know what you believe. That is one result of our interaction. That is one reason we are involved in relationships.

There are people who become hermits, and one can understand why.

It would appear to be easier to be alone than to butt up against a lot of people who show us so vividly what we are thinking, feeling, and believing. Yet, the hermits may also be faced with looking at themselves without the ability to work out the complexities so vividly.

Either way, we are here to learn, grow, and receive feedback from friends, acquaintances, and enemies, the actors in our play who came into our lives as a result of our beliefs about ourselves and our life.

How do you change your beliefs?

You take the time to truly examine the types of people and events in your life with clarity and simplicity. You listen exactly to what is being said to you and around you. You look at precisely what is happening – the drama and chaos, the peace and tranquility, with no added commentary. Just observe.

As you watch and listen, you will have the opportunity to discover the beliefs you hold within you that have brought the statements and events into your life. You will begin to understand the beliefs, the seeds that grew into the manifestation of a peaceful, joyful person or experience, or grew into a negative, upsetting person or experience.

Everything that happens is a learning opportunity.

The events and people in your life are gifts to help you awaken to the reality you are unconsciously creating. If you change your beliefs, you can change your life. Recreate and shift your beliefs so that they are positive, life-affirming, uplifting, and loving. Learn to love yourself unconditionally, and you will feel unconditionally loved!

You can purchase my book “Emotional Healing at Amazon.com